MARIA #12 - PAINS

I am trying to get detached from my own life. it's sometimes just too real. we all know that people one day will just give up and die. or even worse suddenly get grasped out of life. I am not sure which is worse.
I know how old I am, I know what I have been through to get where I am today. what is painfull for me is that all those memories and people are just going to vanish.
my grandfather (who is more of a father than my real father) is almost 91 years old. thats really really old. I am making a film based on him, or rather the character looks like him, not so much acts since its sortof postapocalyptic. trying to storyboard it makes me cry, I keep thinking that I might not have time to finish it, him never being able to watch it.
I keep thinking of being a kid too, its almost easter now and my cousins would always come and visit. we would take long walks in the woods and my grandfather would say "there goes the easter bunny!" whenever we saw a hare and all the kids would sigh but it was still, like tradition. so not having taken those walks in almost... 10 years now. it pains me. I miss the woods and running around and my dog and sometimes the small lake would still be frozen, sometimes not. this year it probably will be, but I will never know because my grandfather can't walk that far anymore.