Ida #18 You and me and everyone we know

I stayed in bed too long, made some decisions, acted on them, talked to a friend in Sweden. I cleaned my apartment and washed some clothes, I stared at myself in the mirror, today I was not ugly, not pretty either. I thought about working on my article, then “I can do that tomorrow”. I looked out through the window, the weather was grey, now it is black outside and very windy. I listened to Skynda att älska and cried a little bit. I refused to eat gorditas, chilaquiles, whatever I always eat at home, I refused to eat something mexican, I felt so lonely, I missed my mum, did not want Mexico anymore, so instead I made the pastasauce my brother always makes. I cried the whole time eating it. I wanted to go home so much. And now it is night and I want to call him and say hey baby come here and watch films with me, stay in the bed with me because I need another person close to me now, need to cry more but this time with someones arms around me, but I will not call him, I will not. It is supposed to be easy. It is not supposed to be hard. So enough now. Enough.