Sometimes I get so mesmorized that I have no idea what I am looking at. The world is such a confusing place, sometimes I just need to focus on a much smaller world than what is "out there". What I am trying to say is, I dont know. I have no idea how my mind works, how reason and logic works. it all feels so big to me right now that all I want to do is hide from it all. But I won't, because I can't. Because of guilt or I dont know, morale? I have never been able to conciously let someone down, no matter who that person is. I don't know if this is a good or a bad thing. For my sanity. Sometimes i just need to be careless, maybe not go to that meeting or show up for my shift at work? no?
See if I would actually do that I would regret it for at least a month, my mind is eating me up from inside with things I should or shouldn't have done. it always turns out to be fine. But I still won't learn. Its exhausting, really.
on a lighter note I really want to get shitloads of tattoos. I want to get the melies moon from a trip to the moon. and I want to get a triangle behind my ear, for some reason. and something on a finger too. I am not sure what just yet. ok I'm gonna take a chill pill now and do my homework. LATERZ