vi var alla unga, mer eller mindre begåvade och vi var vackra


JULIA -The Y -generation

I got this text published in a magazine made by the French- American School in Paris.

Desirous of everything at the same time.
I say, without the fear to generalize,
- is that the zeitgeist of our generation?

Desirous of everything at the same time.
Because I'm sure it's not only me
being hit, every now and then,
by a feeling
that I want so much,
so much more than this.
I want to make mama happy,
but I need to do things that make mamas unhappy.

I want to create, change, break out, go further
and get drunk on Saturday nights,
and sometimes on Thursdays too
and understand this family heritage of mine.
And celebrate this discovery with a lot of dancing at empty clubs,
and get myself a huge dog with a human face and intelligent eyes
and we'll respect each other mutually.
And much more still.

I want to do everything, met everyone and live everywhere, at least for a little while.

And for every place I get to know, and love and leave
my heart and head fills with stories that I'll never be able to tell my grand children
because these are not stories that should be told by a grandma
and as strangers become lovers and friends
my phone bill just gets bigger
I’m sure that my generation makes more long distance calls then ever before.

And me and my generation wants to live in the future,
the past
and the present
all three in one second
We’re so well documented that not having a camera, iphone, facebook is a statement.
(That’s troublesome for a girl like me who loses a lot )

Desire, realization, documentation.

And of course we realize that our youth won’t last forever,
and of course we know that one day we'll have to pay for all the cigarettes we've smoked, being perfectly aware of the danger
But that's what makes us beautiful, the Y generation.
We know that cigarettes kill and buy another pack of those big red cheap ones.
We've seen all the failed love stories on film but still can’t help falling, breaking and trying again.
We got it all and we want even more.
Desirous of everything at the same time.
That’s us. The Y-generation.

Still, in somewhere between step one and five – it’s exactly the same as it always has been.
My mother told me yesterday that I should chose the music I listen to now with great care, because the music you listens to in your twenties will follow you and become the soundtrack of your life.
And our children too will carry pictures of us as young in their wallets and say
‘look, this is my mum in her twenties, wasn’t she beautiful?’
And they, like us, won’t understand what happened since those photos were taken.

In a way everything remains the same, because
time and patterns are unfamiliar with changes.
And we, just like our parents, will never grow old
We'll just get older
And continue our lives,
always carrying our memories with us, like loaded guns .

So I say this for the last time
without the fear to generalize

Desirous of everything at the same time,
missing nothing,
wanting it all.
Is that the zeitgeist of our generation?
Or just of youth in general?

1 comment:

  1. We feel lost
    Too small for this place, too big for these shoes. Understanding more makes dreaming less. Words and papers and electronic jolts deconstructing the energies into point-ranking systems of who-got-it, who made it, who made them. Tiny human jolts building temples to their illusions, heave-ho heave-ho, who's down below, whose ego up top to stroke with imitated delusions.
    But what is more transient than my own thoughts and words and jolts of powpowpowpssssshht - attempted take-offs, jilted cushions, talktalkdreams.
    The feelings haven't caught up with the discourse. Whose discourse? Who knows?
    And every time a jolt feels genuine, an overcompensated reversal condemns the detour to a grey-zone sin recognition. Tip-toeing into the grey zone hasn't been pretty in the past. Starting to RUN until something slips by that replaces escape with a fear that crawls back.
    !Make art in school
    !Make thoughts in company
    !Give time, take shine
    List list list list!

    Start over. Game over. Begin. Again.
    Smoke and mirrors. Whose, who knows.